Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
