they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
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He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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