Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
