Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Everything about him screamed your future.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
