This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
