But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
