Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
