I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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