I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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