she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dick very happy bro
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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