I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
