I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
