I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
