fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
