you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
