weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
