I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
