You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
