he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
