Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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