so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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