we're blogging at a bar
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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