Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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