it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
