my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
