plz talk dirty to me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
