i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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