I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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