Yo dont text me then not text me
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I can feel your judgement through the phone
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
