I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
