Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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