im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
