I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
