i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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