what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
