If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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