Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
