like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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