That's intense
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
