Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
