Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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