Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
