Don't you send me to vm
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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