For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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