He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
