Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
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i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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