She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
