textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He felt like a one man threesome
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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