i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
