My first STD was from a foam party
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
