am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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