your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
