I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
