I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
