He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have feelings that need drinking.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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