He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize