I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
