I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Let the clothes fall where they may.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
