You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Barsexuality is the new black.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
