I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
