Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
