Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize