btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The best revenge is premature balding
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
