Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Drunk is a universal language darling
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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