that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
